"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance." (-Franklin P. Jones)

When my son Eric was just a little boy, one of his best friends was a little girl named Laura, who was a year older than Eric. Since he had no other siblings, he loved Laura, and he'd always go along with whatever she wanted to do. They lived just a few houses from each other, and they played so sweetly together.

Laura's mom loved it when Eric and Laura were together. She'd sit the two of them at her kitchen table, where she'd sometimes give them milk and cookies.

One day, Eric was sitting having a snack at their place as Laura's mom was filling the dishwasher. She told me that Eric watched her intently and finally said, "We don't have that kind of dishwasher."

Laura's mom was surprised, thinking that our dishwashers were both pretty much exactly the same, and so she said "I think they're the same, Eric."

Eric insisted, "No, we don't have that kind." Suddenly, Laura's mom realized that Eric wasn't talking about the dishwasher itself. He was looking at the dishwashing detergent! So, she calmly said, "I see, Eric...well, we use ALL."

Eric looked at her, and with a deadpan face, just replied, "Oh. We just use a tiny bit."
(Eric in Norway, below:)


"Out of the mouths of babes..."

“Boys are beyond the range of anyone’s sure understanding, at least when they are between the ages of 18 months and 90.” (-James Thurber)

My son Eric has over the years sent me flowers for many occasions, and since he knows I love tulips, I have often gotten those from him for Mother’s days and birthdays, etc. I think one of the reasons I like them so much is that I always associate them with Eric.

When I was pregnant with him, back in the ‘70’s, they didn’t routinely do ultrasounds, and people didn’t necessarily know the sex of their babies. In fact, when Eric was born, I remember us being absolutely thrilled at the news that his dad was going to be allowed in the delivery room—back then, that was considered a very progressive hospital.

I thought I would have a little girl. I didn’t know much about little boys. Eric was born on January 9^th, 1977, on the night we moved to Charlottesville, VA, in a snowstorm, on Superbowl Sunday. I always thought Eric was just anxious to see the new digs. Upon our arrival at the hospital in the very early hours of the morning, I was told that my doctor I’d been visiting for 9 months was on vacation and one of his partners would be delivering our baby.

When that doctor arrived, he told me he’d just taped Beethoven’s 6^th Symphony in his car on the way to the hospital, and he asked if he could play it for us in the delivery room. (Is the pope Catholic?!) I was absolutely thrilled, and said that that was fine with me, if he would also dim the lights once Eric was born—so it pleases me to know that Eric came into this world and that his very first life experiences featured soft lights and the sounds of Beethoven's Pastoral Symphony.

Maybe that partially contributed to his being a good guy today. (Eric, don't kill me now!)

“One of the best things in the world to be is a boy; it requires no experience, but needs some practice to be a good one.” (-Charles Dudley Warner)

"Other things may change us, but we start and end with family." (-Anthony Brandt)

This past weekend, I went up to Cambridge, Massachusetts to visit my son. His wife was traveling, so I didn’t get to see her, but as always, it was really pleasant to spend a few days with Eric. They live in a high rise that looks out over a verdant urban park, which pleases me to know that he has at least some semblance of Nature close by!

When we talked a few weeks ago, and I said that I would come up to visit, he said that he was going to make dinner reservations, so I asked him not to go to any special trouble for my visit.

His sarcastic reply, typical of Eric, was:

“OK, well, right--we may water you, and we might let you out for some sunshine, but you’re right—we probably won’t plan on feeding you.”

(You would think that after 31 years, I would have anticipated such a reply.)

When I arrived, on my bed was a sweet card from his wife, a book about Boston, and this elegant box of chocolates to welcome me. Last year when I visited, he and I walked all over: to the Public Gardens in Boston, through Newberry St and all around town. We also spent a day at the DeCordova museum and sculpture gardens, which was right up my alley.

This visit, we had wonderful meals, ate outdoors, went to a creative, artsy shop that he knew I would enjoy, and just talked and relaxed. He watched as I tried, (and failed,) several times, to sketch my gift, but he offered encouragement as he always does.

And as usual, when he dropped me off at the airport, I welled up—I happen to be extremely sentimental when it comes to Eric. I will hear from him often in emails and phone calls, but I won’t see him again for some time, with my wacky work schedule, so I’ll cherish each visit and remember it with fondness.

“You don’t really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around—and why his parents will always wave back.” (-William D Tammeus)

"Anyone who keeps the ability to see beauty never grows old." (Franz Kafka)

Well, if that quote is true, I guess I will never grow old. I always seek out beautiful places, and I’m going to tell you today about one I love.

Fearrington Village, on the outskirts of Chapel Hill, NC, used to be centuries-old farmland until a couple, RB Fitch and his wife, Jenny, saw the beauty of the land and had a vision: over the years, they turned that farmland into what is now a little village of homes, shops and elegant gardens surrounding a beautiful, award-winning Inn, which was originally the old farmhouse on the property. The silos and barns are still there on the hillsides, but now it’s an absolutely delightful place to visit. The Fitches had a vision and they have executed it with finesse.

It’s always been a place that touches my heart. First of all, it’s a bucolic haven just a few miles out, and I have such fond memories of wonderful family gatherings we’ve had there. We had my parents’ 50^th wedding anniversary at the Fearrington Inn and I’ve enjoyed many meals and celebrations with family and friends there. My parents first read about Fearringon in the New Yorker, in tiny little ads over the years that cited this as "a wonderful place to retire." Fearrington was instrumental in bringing my parents to NC in the first place.

I once did some little sketches of the Village, and RB Fitch bought 1,000 sets of notecards I did so that he could hand them out to prospective homeowners who toured the place. There are belty cows still grazing on the grounds, and a wonderful garden shop called “The Potting Shed.” There’s also a lovely gift shop called the “Dovecote” and a fabulous bookstore, "McIntyres." If you are ever in this part of North Carolina, I highly recommend that you treat yourself to a visit to Fearrington. You won’t regret it.

“If you truly love Nature, you will find beauty everywhere.” (-Vincent Van Gogh)

“Do your kids a favor—don’t have any.” (-Robert Orben)

Any parent knows that in the final analysis, there’s no guarantee you’ll have Nice Kids. I'm one of the lucky ones.

My son Eric married a lovely girl from Bermuda, and they lived and worked there for several years. Now, they live in Cambridge, Massachusetts while his wife is back in school working on her PhD.

While he was growing up, I was the Queen of the Worriers. I was a single parent, so I was always agonizing over something: how I must be a bad parent, or how I couldn’t afford to do different things for him I'd have liked to do, or what he might wind up being like as an adult. There was always something to be concerned over. Eric always said he didn't worry, because he knew I did enough worrying for the two of us.

In some ways, Eric really raised me. I was a young mother, and I used to tell him, “You know, there’s no book telling me the right way to do this. We’re both learning how this all works.” He took everything in stride, and he was always thoughtful, sensitive and kind, even as a little kid. I often tell people, when I describe how pleasant he is now, that even if he weren’t my son, I would want him as a friend, and I mean that.

Now,…that said, I don’t want you getting the wrong impression. As much as I was the Stress Queen, he is the King of Sarcasm and Humor. He makes me laugh…always has.

Once, when he was very small, I was in my 20’s, and I had had a particularly tiring day, stressing out more than usual, and I said to him, “Eric, your mother’s getting old.” I suppose I was looking for some sort of comforting words. He looked up at me, and without blinking an eye, he nodded his head, and very matter-of-factly said: “Mmmm…soon, you’ll be dying!” with an almost cheerful lilt to it. He didn't seem remotely phased by that notion. He's made me laugh, and he's made me proud over the years. I love him very much.

“Families are like fudge—mostly sweet with a few nuts.” (author unknown)

"Is this tonight? or today?" (-my son Eric as a small child)

It didn’t take me long to realize that time, and the whole notion of time was confusing to my son as a small child. “In a week,” “in an hour,” or “next year” are incomprehensible to a tiny child. I tried to show him that if we planted bulbs in the fall, “next spring” we would be rewarded with beautiful tulips. While he was impatient, and would check religiously to see if the foliage was starting to peek up out of the ground, he was also excited when finally they grew and flourished. Over the years, he has generously sent me flowers for birthdays and Mother’s Days and I have been touched by his thoughtfulness every single time.

It became very clear to me just how confusing it must be for a child to conceptualize time on one occasion when Eric was taking a nap. He was about 3 years old. It was his habit to remove his pants and shirt and fold them on a child-size chair next to his bed, and curl up under the covers. I never taught him to do that, he just did. While he wasn’t fond of naps, he seemed to know when he really was tired, and he’d fall into a deep sleep, sometimes for several hours.

On this one occasion, he awoke, and went straight to his dresser and began taking out a new set of clothes to wear. I remarked to him that he could put those same clothes back on that he’d lain so neatly on the chair, reminding him he’d only worn them for a few hours and they were still clean. Suddenly, he looked at me with a very puzzled expression, and then, he looked out the window, and finally, looked back at me.

He asked me, “Is this tonight? Or today?”

I found myself answering, “This is today.”

I had no idea what he meant, but it suddenly occurred to me that he wasn’t sure if he’d slept “all night,” or just part of the day, and that was what he was trying to determine. I guess looking out the window was to see if it was dark or not. That one question made it abundantly clear to me why he disliked naps so much: I realized that he perceived he was losing precious, valuable time that he didn’t want to lose. It gave me a much better understanding of how he processed his day, and that one remark has stuck with me forever. I've shared it with him and let him know how it touched me.

“The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once.”

(-Albert Einstein)